“Food On The Brain”

(available in episode 95)

Before we start, can I first check,
will you feed us while we work?
My tummy’s annoyed that I skipped lunch -
hence the rumbling sound you heard.

Surely you have an apple,
or a random spare lunch box.
Oh why didn’t I anticipate this,
and stuff bananas down my socks?

Surely someone here has something,
I could snack on for a while.
If you have a plate of biscuits,
and I can guarantee a smile.

I close my eyes and see juicy pears,
and when I pause a while to think,
my ideas are all about the vegetables
I could blend into a drink.

It’s clear my mind’s just not on this,
and my time here’s all for naught.
Until I eat, all my thinking time
is purely food for thought.

“Bee In The Kitchen”

(available in episode 91)

Imagine the surprise of it first dropping in,
through the open window
to a new world within.

Imagine the fun of if buzzing around
visiting pots on the stove,
and the bubbling pans.

Imagine the fun of it watching me bake,
as it flies over bread rolls,
and freshly iced cakes.

Imagine it landing as I make something yummy,
and the pride that it feels
when I open the honey.

Imagine if my new friend would like to pitch in.
Do you see now why I just want
a bee in the kitchen?

“In A Pickle”

(available in episode 50)

I may over-estimated the vegetables
when I planted seeds this year.
Now my kitchen’s full of cabbages
and corn stacked ear-to-ear.

I store broccoli in the bathtub,
carrots are in the sink.
I’m eating kale with every meal,
cucumbers with every drink.

My teeth are brushed with celery.
I have shallots in my shampoo.
I’m making soap with green beans,
from the hundreds that I grew.

I’m eating bread and onions.
I’m baking peas and beets.
On Sundays, I dip sliced turnip
into syrup for a treat.

I’m worried that I’ll turn into
a vegetable one day,
and doctors will come to harvest me,
before carting me away.

With veggies ripening every day,
I’m picking more and more.
With my tummy and my house both full,
I’m in a pickle, that’s for sure!

“Salad Days”

(available in episode 50)

I pull a head of lettuce,
pick tomatoes off the vine,
throw in radish
and Spring onion,
that I chop up fine.
We love our garden veggies
in a hundred million ways.
Not least when we
sit down to eat,
here in our salad days.

“Birthday Candles”

(available in episode 48 and on YouTube)

There’s an extra candle
on my cake this year.
It’s a little brighter,
bringing even more cheer

to the celebration
that after 12 more months,
I’m now taller and wiser.
So, this time, for once

I’m going to prove to them all
as I get ready to blow.
With my friends all around,
it’s time now to show

that I can snuff out all candles
at the very first try.
But the moment I start,
I begin to see why

there’s a limit to how many
my lungs can blow out.
Soon I’m just spluttering
and kids start to shout,

as the last of my blow
leaves me red in the face.
All the candles still burning
on the top of my cake.

“Family Style”

(available in episode 46 and on YouTube)

We’re squeezed in real tight –
crammed around the table,
with knives, forks, and spoons,
and large wooden ladles.

First comes the pasta,
then large plates of bread,
meatballs, and salads,
to keep us all fed.

The chatter is loud,
and the food keeps on coming,
as we reach over each other
for a serving of something

that’s tomato and cheesy,
and good for the soul.
I have handfuls of bruschetta
that I’m swallowing whole.

Our faces are food-stained,
and covered in smiles,
when we all get together
to eat family-style.

“My Specialty”

(available in episode 46)

If you’re coming to dinner,
you really should know
that, when it comes to my cooking,
I’ve a long way to go.

I’m fine with a packet,
a box, or a jar,
or takeaways delivered
by bike or by car.

But if I make it from scratch,
the lessons I’ve learned,
is that most things get scrambled,
curdled, or burned.

If a taste in unusual,
for sure, it’s my fault,
as I’ll have picked up the sugar,
instead of the salt.

I mistake tablespoons for teaspoons,
kilos for pounds,
leaving thick molten goo
in my pots and my pans.

My bread is like biscuits,
my biscuits like bread,
and it’s not spoonfuls of custard,
it’s slices instead.

To be safe, I’ll just cook
what's successful the most.
Be prepared for my specialty
of cereal and toast!

“Our Campfire Meal”

(available in episode 40)

I built up some kindling
to start on my fire,
adding twigs, then some branches
so the flames would grow higher.

I peeled all my spuds,
and opened up cans.
Then, on went my pots,
and on went my pans.

By the time we were done,
the potatoes were roasted,
the stew had been cooked,
the marshmallows been toasted.

Then, we ate round the fire,
and sang all our songs,
'til the sun had gone down,
our energy gone.

So, we retired to our tents.
We'd done all we could,
and I slept like a log
the day we burnt all that wood.

“My Picnic”

(available in episode 38 and on YouTube)

I found a nice spot,
and laid down my blanket,
then went back to the car
to go fetch the hamper.
I opened it up,
and got out the treats:
the vegetables and fruits,
and three types of cheese.
I had biscuits and cake,
and juices galore,
enough for us all,
and a large number more.
I arranged it all nicely,
then went back to the car
to fetch cushions and napkins.
Though the walk wasn’t far,
the animals pounced quickly
and as you’d predict,
I went hungry the day
that my picnic was nicked.

“Piece Of Cake”

(available in episode 35 and on YouTube)

“Cleaning your room is a piece of cake,”
were the exact words that my mom said.
So I tidied it up, putting everything away,
with a few things pushed under the bed.

I went and asked when the cake would arrive,
as I’d eat it when watching TV,
but my mom said she knew nothing of cake,
and just looked all puzzled at me.

She went on to say something about taking
what she says with a big pinch of salt,
but I definitely don’t want any salt with my cake,
if there is then I’ll know it’s her fault.

To be honest, I don’t care for her sayings.
I just want to eat my cake soon.
If I don’t, I’ll just rub her salt in a wound
by creating a mess in my room.

“Full of Beans”

(available in episode 35)

On reflection, I really over-did it,
as I'm now so full of beans.
I ate them, and ate them, and ate them,
plus they're all over my shirt and my jeans.
The first course was a plate full of baked beans.
The second was pinto and black.
The third course was garbanzo and navy.
By the fourth course, there was no going back
as I shoveled down spoonfuls of refried
beans warmed up, and with cheese.
Then, for dessert, I ate kidney bean brownies.
At which point, I dropped to my knees.
Now I find myself here at the doctor’s,
strapped to beeping machines,
while nurses all stand back awaiting
the moment I just spill the beans!

“Nuts”

(available in episode 35)

I'm simply nuts about cooking!
I use them everywhere:
on the side, in the middle, and as sprinkles.
There are plenty of nuts here to share.
I put Brazil nuts inside of my pancakes,
hazelnuts in my leek stew.
I have walnuts all over my fish pie,
and my cupcakes are topped with cashew.
You'll find peanuts shoved inside olives,
and almond spread on cold cuts.
Just take one look at my cooking
and you'll agree it all screams the word "nuts".

“Fun With Veg.”

(available in episode 26 and on YouTube)

Bean and be seen.
Iceberg in a wedge.
There’s always mushroom
when you have fun with veg!

Relish a radish.
Go have a leek.
A carrot a day
is a whole bunch a week!

Devour a cauli.
Go hug a spud.
Ravage a cabbage.
Lettuce be loved.

Go out with a sprout.
Get lost in a maize.
Stay up-beet.
Join the kale craze.

Why not grow veg,
in a garden or plot?
I’ve no more to say.
I guess that’s shallot.

“Growing Veg.”

(available in episode 26)

I was clearly over-optimistic
about my gardening skills.
I dug up soil and planted seeds
to lower grocery bills.

That all happened some months’ ago,
when I pictured lots of veg,
growing neatly all in rows
that ran from hedge to hedge.

But, after many weeks of waiting,
there's not a carrot to be seen,
nor a cauliflower or cabbage,
or any type of bean!

I must have mixed up all the seeds.
It’s a flaw my garden exposes.
As nothing is coming up vegetables,
and everything’s coming up roses.

“My Non-Vegetable Diet”

(available in episode 26)

I didn’t eat vegetables just for one day,
then another, and then a whole year.
No broccoli, carrots, not even a pea.
Meat and bread were the only foods for me.

Until I woke up one morning and couldn’t see right.
Strange things had happened to me all through the night.
So, they called for the doctor, who came right away.
He prodded and poked me before turning to say,

“You must just eat vegetables for the rest of the year,
and do so while grinning from ear to ear.
If you don’t, expect consequences to be really rough,
as your head will come loose and your legs will drop off.”

Ever since then, I’ve eaten my peas,
carrots, broccoli and cauliflower cheese.
I’ll only let vegetables pass through my lips,
as I want both my legs attached to my hips.

“Sprouts”

(available in episode 58)

There's food on the ground,
and food in the sky.
You'll find it in bushes,
and trees way up high.

It comes colored green,
yellow, or red,
that you can eat standing up,
sitting down, or in bed.

There's food stored in jars,
packets, and cans.
You can munch it up raw,
or cook it in pans.

It's solid or runny,
and some makes a crunch.
It can be perfect for dinner,
or breakfast or lunch.

There's food in a cup,
and food on a stick,
that you can nibble real slowly,
or gobble down quick.

With so many options,
how does it work out,
that I’m sat here for dinner
with a plate full of sprouts?

“Breakfast Surprise”

(available in episode 16)

There was a bang,
then a crash,
and something big smashed.
So it was then that I dashed
to discover a pile,
there on the floor,
of saucepans, and bottles,
and ladles, and more.
There was flour spread widely
all over on the walls,
and smashed eggs with yolks
sliding slowly down doors.
The freezer was open,
and so was the fridge,
and the sink now contained
a large lake of milk,
that was so big it was running
up over the sides.
The butter had melted
and was now liquified.
What a sight to greet
my just opened eyes,
when someone cooked me
a breakfast surprise!